Paro Dit — The Unibar is now going to be run by the University.

Words by Felix Eldridge

After prolonged negotiations, the University has announced that the Adelaide University Unibar will now be administered directly by the University rather than continuing to be operated by a private company. When speaking to On Dit earlier today, a senior University official read out the following statement: “Now, I’m fully aware that there’s been a lot of confusion out there about how this change will affect the quality of food, drink and service at the Unibar under its new management. I wish to assure everyone that the University management of Unibar will maintain the exact same quality of food, drink and service provided by the previous owners. We will not be making any changes to portion sizes, prices or infrastructure. Rest assured, Unibar services will remain as poor and as substandard as they have been in the last two years.”

Happy April Fools!